Tuesday, March 06, 2012

From the Editors: Thank You

We wanted to take a brief moment after reviving the blog to thank our readers for the past three years.  It's hard to believe this blog was conceived in 2009, and we are excited to revamp it and bring it into the official Intern Season of 2012.  Please send us your suggestions and thoughts on how we can improve this for readers, and interns, alike.  Below is our welcome message from 2009, which we reiterate today.  Thank you again for your support!


Welcome to Washington, DC and congratulations on your summer internship on Capitol Hill, K Street, White House, or elsewhere. Over the next three months you have paper runs, coffee runs, and envelope licking to fill your days. As a consolation prize, you will be provided an intern badge, conveniently red  [Editors note: now gray], fashioned as your scarlet letter. This will identify your status to all of DC. A status that you interpret as “important” and we interpret as “tired” and “obnoxious.”

You will likely spend your days on the Hill and your evenings in Georgetown, U Street, H Street, and Adams Morgan. You will order “RBVs” – perhaps without knowing what they are - and hit on girls who are 9s to your 4s and 5s, trying to impress them with your intern badge. It will not work. You may be arrested for using your fake ID at McFadden’s on a Tuesday night for dollar beers, or simply turned away and stumble across the street to the already-overridden-with-interns 51st State. You will wait in line at Old Glory and Third Edition and complain about paying a cover, when there are a few dozen other bars in Georgetown you could frequent instead. You will not understand why the bartenders do not pay attention to you when you do not tip well, or when you treat them with contempt. You will go home drunk, wake up, go to work, and restart the cycle.

Interns are a cause around which all DCers – Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and Militants alike – unite. It’s the one issue upon which the politically motivated and divided DC public truly feels the same – get out of our city and out of our way. Stand right, walk left.

We’ve all been there, we have all had an entry-level or intern position in DC – but we had it without your extreme sense of entitlement … and therein lies the difference. Interns are essential to the function of offices in DC; they are willing to complete tasks that permanent staff are not, and are usually eager to do so. For many interns, this blog will not apply to you. For those interns to whom it does apply, we hope that you use these anecdotes to change your behavior and, eventually, change the stigma attached to DC summer interns.

Be polite, know your place, and you will make it through unscathed. Drop your sense of entitlement and pompous attitude, and get the most out of your internship – in the role in which it is defined. So, our sincerest congratulations on your internship, we hope you enjoy your summer in DC; but, heed our warnings and follow our advice. Those of you who do not – we look forward to sharing stories of your drunken evenings, your conspicuously placed badge on your clothing on a non-work day, your obnoxious banter on the metro in the morning, and your inappropriate clothing choices. Cheers!


Spotted: S#!t Hill Staff Say

[From the Cloture Club]

Friends -

We recently worked on a video - S#!t Hill Staff Say. Based on the youtube sensation, S#!t girls say. Let's admit, we all know a Hill staffer, maybe we are/were one once. So we put together this great video for the DC crowd.

We hope you enjoy as much as we did creating it.


Hugs and pogo sticks,

Spotted: The Sprint and Smash

I was on the Red Line one evening during rush hour and decided that the train sitting at the platform was way too overcrowded for me to even attempt to get on.  (Seriously, I don't need to be able to feel the people next to me breathing.)  So I decided to wait until a less crowded train came through.  The crowded train was holding at the platform for a few minutes for scheduling adjustments and most everyone in the station seemed to have the same idea I did...  all except a very frazzled, overly excited intern who proceeded to sprint down the escalator, shrieking at the top of her lungs the entire way "STOP!!!!! DON'T CLOSE THE DOORS! WAIT FOR ME! DON'T CLOSE THE DOORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  She continued her sprinting and shrieking until she smashed into a crowded car of people, clearly pleased that she had made it.

The train then continued to sit there for at least another minute and a half, with the doors wide open.

So interns, please note:  Metro train doors don't work that way.  This isn't an elevator. Running and shrieking do not help if the doors are already closing, it only makes you look ridiculous.

Heard: Mmmm Bop!

On my way into the CVC, I see two girls -- intern badges clearly present -- heading towards the house tunnel.  As they get closer, I hear them loudly singing an old Hanson (that 90s boy band) song: "MMMBop...bidi dapa doo wop, Doo bi dapa doo bob, Bidi dapa doo, yeah, yeah." They were even harmonizing!

I smirked, and figured I had seen the last of them. Boy was I wrong.

On my way back, I walked down the tunnel towards Longworth, surprised to see the girls skipping, frolicking, and laughing loudly as they headed towards the Capitol.

Girls, leave the singing to Hanson--if they still can sing.  Members of Congress who walk down that hallway surely do not want to hear your harmonization.

Heard: That's Just Code for Killing People

The red line was delayed this morning.  While waiting for the train, I overheard a male intern talking to a female dressed in workout clothes.
Guy intern:  Yeah, like, those kids with oil money, it's like you know they killed someone or their parents killed someone.  They're like "my dad is the minster of housing" and you know that's just code for killing people.  Like, I would want to be the prince of Bahrain, but I wouldn't want to kill people... I'm jealous they're so rich.
Girl: ha ha
Guy intern: Like, EVERYONE at my school is so rich.  All the girls are like Jewish and have their daddies' Blackberries and they're like "Heyyy my name's Rachel."
Girl: ha ha. Yeah.
.... I couldn't hear them anymore ....
Guy intern: I don't do anything at my job.  It's like, GCHAT FACEBOOK CHAT BINGGGG!!!
Girl: That sucks.
Guy: Yeah.  It's less stressful that way though.  God, we're going to be so late.  These are our tax dollars!  Like, the metro sucks, it's so slow, especially on the weekends, it's so slow!  Like, 15 minutes for a train?!  The busses are slower.  I could just take a bus all the way to work, but I don't.

Heard: Why don't you ever update? You're more unreliable than an intern.

We apologize for the hiatus during the second half of last summer.  We look forward to sharing a prosperous, intern-filled summer with all of our avid readers.  Happy spotting!