I was on the metro, riding home from U Street late on a Friday night when a group of 10 young, very intoxicated interns got on, heading back to their intern crash pads somewhere in Virginia. To my unpleasant surprise, one of them chose to approach me.
Intern 1: Would you like me to hit on you?
Me: Please, no.
(The intern sits down next to me)
Interns 2-10: DO THE PIRATE VOICE!!!
Intern 1: Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
Me: Say what?
Intern 1: How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
Me: What exactly is going on?
Intern 1 (in his pirate voice): I learned all these awesome pick-up lines for talk-like-a-pirate day, and they were so successful with the girl intern in my office I just had to try them again.
Me: Oh, ok. Y’all have a good night.
As I moved quickly to escape the crowd of interns I overheard one last comment: “Way to go man… She was totally interested.” And all I could do was laugh so hard that I had to stop on the platform to catch my breath.
Note to the interns: A. Thanks for providing a bright moment of ridiculous entertainment on my way home. B. Next time, don’t try to validate your pick-up lines by noting how successful they were on the ridiculous interns that this blog is all about…
On my way to the Memorial Day concert I walked behind a girl who was strutting with her head held high and badge clipped to her hip. She looked around to find an entrance to the well guarded area. I watched her walk into the entrance marked 'Staff and Police'. She estutely approaches the security guards at the entrance, reaches to subtley show the security her badge when they say, "sorry, wrong staff, your entrance is on the other side." Intern.
This blog is dedicated to those DC residents who eagerly await (or completely dread) Intern Season. Essential to the function of offices in DC, interns are willing to complete tasks that are often considered undesirable. For many interns, this blog will not apply. For those interns to whom it does apply, we hope that you use these anecdotes to change your behavior and, eventually, change the stigma attached to DC interns.
*PLEASE NOTE: As with the viral nature of the Internet, many offices are concerned about anonymity and poor reflections upon them - please be assured that no office or individual will ever be singled out. This blog operates under complete anonymity and will never be of a libelous nature; it will never post any identifying information including, but not limited to: place of work or residence, name, or congressional office. We welcome you to submit any absurd intern stories you are bound to acquire. TWITTER EXCEPTION: we assume you give us permission to re-tweet any submissions you send our way via your public Twitter account.
To the interns: please use this blog as a learning tool. Godspeed and best of luck this summer. firstname.lastname@example.org