Thursday, June 30, 2011

Spotted: Stay Classy, Stay Classy

Late on a weekend night a group of highly intoxicated female interns stumbled onto the metro. Like most of the other passengers on the train, it appeared this group was headed to Adams Morgan or the like for some frat-like binge drinking. Unfortunately, a few of the interns had pre-gamed a little too hard.

One intern, in particular, was not looking too hot. She was rocking back and forth in her seat, clutching her heels to her stomach. One of her girlfriends had wrapped an arm around her and was whispering into her ear. The rest of the interns started to get quiet. Their drunken giggling became hushed, concerned whispers as they stared at their sick friend. Other passengers started exchanging worried gazes throughout the car. “Is this girl serious? Really, on my car?”  
Sure enough, the sick intern gave a little hiccup. Her chest buckled, and she started to vomit.

First, this intern, vomit girl, started puking into her heels on her lap. A flustered friend hastily dumped out the contents of her purse and instructed her to do her business in the purse. Passengers nearby held their noses and bolted for the back of the car while the rest of us rubber-necked to get a better look at the action.

Luckily, we had just arrived at a stop. Vomit girl, dazed, looked up and quickly ran to the doors of the metro. She stuck her head outside of the car, and let loose. As the doors shut she snapped her head back into the car and stumbled back to her seat, nearly falling on the floor. I could see a tan puddle outside on the platform. At this point, other passengers in the car were laughing out loud at the comedy unfolding in front of them. I kid you not, people were clapping.  

I though vomit girl was done, but there was no such luck. This time, round two, she did not have the courtesy to vomit in her heels, or a purse. She pulled the trigger and the mess landed in the middle of the floor of the car, leaving a puddle of slime for passengers to carefully tiptoe around.

Despite being intoxicated beyond belief, the rest of vomit girl’s intern friends look worried. At the next stop they got off the metro, dragging her along with them. One of the interns looked back as she exited, hastily threw a page of newspaper over the mess on the floor, and gave the other passengers a cute, worried smile. Thanks, vomit girl’s friend. That helped.

Meanwhile, once vomit girl got off the train she bolted across the platform to the other set of tracks where she proceeded to...yup, you guessed it!  

Stay classy summer interns, stay classy.