Friday, July 17, 2009

Heard: The Arnold Palmer

Overheard conversation among our interns.

Female intern: "Who's Arnold Palmer?"

Male intern: "...A golfer."

Female intern: "Ooooh... I heard there was a golf tournament named the Arnold Palmer, and I was like, why did they name it after the drink?"

Heard: Skinny Bitches

I'm walking by one of the intern rooms and I heard these 4 people arguing inside. Not a fight but loud enough that I need to go inside and tell them to quiet them.

I go in and one girl, a bit of a troublemaker, is arguing with the others saying: "i'm not anorexic!" I ask, perplexed" what's going on?," she answers, pointing at the others in the room: "they keep asking me why am i so skinny and if i'm anorexic. I keep telling them I eat but i'm just skinny cuz i'm skinny.. bitches!"

Had to have a discussion with her about not using the "b" word in the office as well as not yelling it out.

Spotted: A Whale of a Tale

I work for a media company which was broadcasting a hearing of a certain oversight committee a few weeks ago. The House was voting in a series and hence the hearing was recessed for almost an hour; the feeds are left on until committee hearings adjourn. Staffers and visitors typically mill about and shoot the breeze during these periods, sometimes on camera unbeknownst to them. I watched a lovely young woman, red ID in tow, reach around, scratch her cute ass and pull out her wonderful thong with definitive caution given the crowd in front of her, but zero regard to the camera behind her! Bless that young woman for breaking up otherwise boring hearing coverage. She has potential in another line of work afterall.

Heard: How Delightful - Letter to the Editor

I am a D.C. summer intern and proud to be leaving soon. D.C. staffers are frumpish, overweight, and dull. D.C. truly is "Hollywood for Ugly People." I have yet to meet a staffer with a creative bone in their body--no wonder Congress never comes up with original solutions. It's pathetic that this blog is your source of entertainment.

From the Editors: Comments

To dispell any rumors, the editors of this blog are not commenting on any posts. We merely post as-is. Thank you.

Heard: Lessons Learned

A couple weeks ago I was waiting for an elevator in a senate office building when a group of about 7 or 8 interns showed up to wait as well. The interns were obviously from the same office and had just been "let go" for the day - it was about 5:30. The interns were abuzz over something, as interns are prone to be, and as we all piled in the elevator, one obnoxiously loud male intern practically yelled to a female intern "So what did you learn on the DC intern blog today?" The female intern, probably the self-appointed leader of the group, responded "Not to be loud in the elevators."

Thanks female intern for setting your other intern friends straight...we staffers appreciate it.

Heard: Thanks for the Enjoyable Ride, Bro

Everyone in our silent metro car heading to Vienna inevitably heard this unnecessarily loud phone conversation a 20-something was having with his ‘bro’. The side of the conversation we heard:

Yeah bro, be on the lookout, I need a car while I’m here.


Oh man, I know, I am so lame.


So listen, man, you’re headed to the gym, right? Well nice, enjoy man, I’m not going to the gym. I’m planning on just eating a lot, getting fatter, and uglier, and hopefully seeing how that works out for me.

Hopefully not too much fatter because he was already taking up half my seat. Thanks for the enjoyable ride, bro.

Heard: Hopscotch and Four Square

I was riding the metro in towards Dupont when four girls got on, I don't know who they worked for but they were clearly interns. One of them asked the others when Congress went to recess. No one seemed to know, but another of the interns asked, incredulously, "They go to recess?"
One of the other interns replied with a straight face that, "Yes, they go on recess, and they play hopscotch and four square." The girl whose question she was responding looked at her, confused, but seemed content with this explanation.

Spotted: Why Yes, That Was Good Enough

I was riding the last train home on the Orange line when a young girl approached my friend and I. Clearly drunk, she began flirting with us and pole dancing. Her finishing move was sliding down the pole and pulling her red badge out, asking "Was that good enough to get me on the DC Interns blog?"

Heard: Please Move to the Center of the Car

We all know that the Red Line is on the fritz, all the time, and it's almost always crammed during rush hour, right? Wrong. This morning, a young man got on the Red Line and yelled at everyone in the car to "move to the center of the car" because he "needed to get to work sometime today." Well none of us could yield to his rude request as we were already packed in so tight we may as well have been in a mosh pit. After no one moves he continues to irritate everyone on the car by thanking us, sarcastically, for not moving into the car. I looked over to give a warning glare, and what do I see, a red intern badge. Not only did he have the audacity to yell at everyone on the metro, but he continued to complain about how cramped it was and how he couldn't be sweaty when he got to work.

We all know you have an important job to do, carrying things in between buildings today, but if I were him, I would have kept my mouth shut.

Heard: Spanish Iwo Jima

Overheard this Red Badger female on her cell phone in Dupont Circle ...

"You know that big, huge statue Iwo Jima? [pronouncing it 'Heema'] ... No, I dunno why it's call that -- maybe it's Spanish. Anyway, we're supposed to meet them there on Saturday."

Heard: Prehistoric Event

I was listening to C-SPAN radio during the confirmation hearing for Judge Sotomayor. During the break, C-SPAN radio broadcasted interviews with those citizens who had waited long hours to get tickets to the hearing. Two girls interviewed were from southern California and were in DC as, you guessed it, interns. Why did they wake up early to get a chance to hear questions and answers on legal issues that they will obviously not understand? In the words of one genius intern: "This is a prehistoric event". And yes, I am sure she said "prehistoric" and not "pretty historic".

Spotted: Mmmm Pork

One of our interns was entering constituent letters into the mail system. One letter happened to be about pork-barreling. Not knowing what this meant, the intern filed the letter under Agriculture.

Spotted: Ohhhh, Interns.

UPDATE: Apparently this is not an intern, but just an individual who exudes intern-ness.

Heard: Up for Reelection?

Last summer (2008) my parents were visiting DC and I booked a tour of the Capitol through a local congressman. The summer intern who led our tour had apparently not read all of the orientation materials or, for that matter, paid attention during high school government class. One of the guests on our tour asked the intern, "Is you boss up for reelection this year?" The intern replied, "You know, that's a really good question. I don't know if he is this time around." At an opportune moment I whispered to her, "Your boss is a member of the House of Representatives. He's up for reelection every even-numbered year."