Friday, June 12, 2009
After introducing myself to him, we made a little small talk. I asked where he went to school and it turned out he attends the same university I graduated from seven years ago. I told him I went there too, and he perks up and asks what year I graduated. I replied "graduated in 02."
His face drops and replies with ”Oh, wow so a long time ago, huh? I don't know anyone that old.”
FAIL FAIL FAIL
Intern: Where you at? I can give you directions. 22nd and what? Well, which “I” street are you at?
Me: There’s only one “I” street.
Intern: “Some guy from outta town just said there is only one “I” street. What a moron. There’s an “E-Y-E” street and a letter “I” street.
Professor: I’ve been here for twenty years, there’s one “E-Y-E” street.
Intern: “Stupid tourists are interrupting me, sorry. Just keep walking about five blocks or so, they can’t be that far apart.”
His friend was less than a block away. I’m sure they’ll find each other when he finds the other “I” street.
Recently I was showing a new intern how to sort mail. She picked up a letter from a constituent with bad handwriting. She asked me what the letter said. I explained to her that the letter was about Sonia Sotomayor. This intern then responded so- so- who? Who is that? I explained who she was. The intern then responded, "I thought judges just took their place."
The best part of the conversation? The intern is in law school!
During our week, we spent a lot of time traveling on the Metro. Interns became pretty easy to spot. We saw the earnest, the wonky, the disheveled, and finally, the pompous drunk. To the fellow with the Tucker Carlson haircut, Ralph Lauren oxford, khaki shorts, and topsiders on the Red Line, your meager attempt to disguise your beer in your SoBe bottle was not successful. Also, we were not impressed with your bold braggadocio over how many beers you had on Tuesday night, but still made it to the office on time.
Maybe your friend was impressed, my 9 year old thought you were a tool.
The two were going at it. We are talking 14 year olds in high school, making out in the hall way. They paused for a second, and the guy looked over at me, probably staring at my disgusted look. Then grabbed her back and went back in for the kill.
Dearest interns, please, PDA of that nature died when you got your license. And if your roommates prevent you from hooking up, don't do it in the middle of the sidewalk for all to see.
Due to the large amount of interest in this particular hearing, a long line had developed, so that even though I arrived about 20 minutes early, I was at the very front of the line when they closed the doors. On our way to the overflow room, I overheard one intern explaining to another why the hearing was so full.
Intern #1: Well, ya, because the hearings are all open to the public.
Intern #2: Ugh, aren't there any hearings open to just STAFF??
I didn't really feel the need to point out to him that, even if there WERE such hearings, they, not being staff themselves, would not be invited either.
Page: [Party] Page desk how may I help you?
Intern: Hi this is [X] from Congressman [X]'s office and I need something picked up at [XXXX]
Page: And where will it be delivered to?
Intern: Well, it says Bill Hopper on it, do you know who Mr. Hopper is?
Page: Yes we know exactly who Bill is, we'll be right over. (while trying not to laugh)
They thought that the bill hopper was a person...genius.
Coworker 1: It's really coming down out there. Do you know when this storm's supposed to pass?
Coworker 2: Hah! I just got an email from _____ saying that one of the interns tried to grab pictures of the lightning and walked out there with her tri-pod over her shoulder.
Coworker 3: They just get dumber and dumber ever year...
Thanks to that intern, I'll be able to exceed their expectations of me.
I don't believe the shade of fuchsia that enveloped the intern's face actually exists in nature.