Monday, June 08, 2009

Heard: Thank You - From a Former Intern II

To Whom It May Concern:

I love your site so much, but I will spare you the endless praise. In the name of all that's right, please don't lose interest in the project after only a couple of weeks. Don't let the posts fall to only a couple a month. This is now one of my homepages -- literally next to CNN and the NYT -- please don't let your city down.

-Former DC Intern

p.s. The post about the intern (I picture him with a furrowed brow) who, after three days studying a book for an abstract, ends up reproducing the book jacket verbatim -- belongs in its own display case at the Smithsonian.

Heard: Special Intern Metro Car

While waiting to transfer from the Blue to Red Line, one male and one female intern stand behind me. The conversation went something like this:

Female Intern: (while looking at blackberry): "I really hate how everyone is my office presses 'reply all' whenever they want to respond to an email. Why can they just respond to the person who sent it?"

Male Intern: "I know! All the replies fill my inbox and most of the time make me miss important stuff. Like Facebook alerts."

Female Intern: " Exactly! I know the office would just include me in any important meetings anyway."

After chuckling at them for awhile, the train arrives and we move to get on. But oh no, the interns stay back, mumbling about how they wish there was a special metro car just for Hill employees that "the common people" wouldn't crowd into and would get them home faster. I guess they decided they would suffer and just get on the next train.

This common person can happily say she not only got a seat and got home quickly, but knows the next train was halted at the next station for 30 minutes while they transitioned from two to tracks to one.

Spotted: Accounting for Unaccounted Funds

Leg Director asks intern to research agency financial reports and compile the amount of unaccounted for funds from various government agencies.

Intern: Hey, I had an idea on the research project you asked me to work on.

LD: What’s that?

Intern: Well, I was thinking we should contact the agencies that can’t account for funds and ask them what they’re doing with the unaccounted for funds.

LD: Well, they probably won’t be able to tell you.

Intern: Ah, ha! Which is when we can ask them why not?!

LD: Well, because they’re “unaccounted for.” By definition, they don’t know where the money went.

Intern: Oh…yeah….

Spotted: Leprechaun?

Working for the government as I do, I expect my days to be filled with an endless parade of suits and skirts. This monotony was broken one day when I heard reports from a new hire that an intern had been spotted at orientation wearing a green t-shirt, and sporting matching green hair. I was somewhat incredulous, but fortunate enough to actually run into said intern on the elevator the next day. He had deigned to put on a button-down shirt, but his hair was still a ferocious shade of green. He also had a lip ring. The piece de resistance, however, was that he was wearing the infamous intern khakis - complete with a blue patch right on his rear.

Heard: Martha's Mistake

This intern was working at a North Eastern Member's office and was from the district:

Intern: So, Martha’s Vineyard is on Long Island, right?

LD: Are you serious?

Intern: Yeah, it is, isn’t?

LD: No, it’s not. Martha’s Vineyard is its own separate island. It’s off the coast of Massachusetts.

Intern: But there’s something special about it, right? I mean, like, only the Kennedy’s can go there, right?

LD: No, it’s an island that people live on and anyone can go to, just like most public places in the free world. Go downstairs and get me a Mountain Dew.

Heard: Television Turn-Offs

Two male interns were loudly discussing their weekends while getting off the Capitol South Metro. They had met some "bangin girls" at a bar, but one of the guys was turned off by his prospects' interests.

Intern 1: "I mean, she told me her favorite show as the Real World! You're supposed to stop watching that after you turn 16!"

Intern 2: "Aw man, totally dude, totally."

Heard: Mail 101

Recently, I was showing one of our interns our office's process for sorting and handling mail. She realized that all of the envelopes had already been opened. She asked me why. I explained about security procedures and anthrax (which was lost on her). She then asked me, "isn't that an invasion of privacy?"

I was so stunned that I had no real answer for her!

Heard: Political Dealbreaker

Our office welcomed in a gem of an intern who not only had no background in politics but an apparent lack of interest as well. She was clearly further left than our entire office as evinced by her choice of attire and continued comments regarding her inability to work for her Representative due to his ultra conservative views. She was full of intern wisdom but this following conversation literally had me in hysterics.

Intern: So there are not too many hot members, but I kept hearing about the young one Rep. [Member's name] (although we all clearly know who this is). I looked him up and he is like my perfect man.

Me: Really? How so? He's more conservative then you are. (all the while trying not to laugh.)

Intern: That's not something I would consider a deal breaker.

Me: Let me get this right, you wouldn't take an internship with a Member because he was too conservative but you don't consider those views a deal breaker?

Intern: No, I mean politics like are not going to be an important thing in my life.

After an incredibly long pause....

Me: You do realize that politics might be important in a Congressman's life, right?

I am still trying to figure out how she was hired.

Spotted: Monday Madlibs - Intern Insanity

Brought to you by the Georgetown Voice, this is an entertaining Intern MadLib exercise inspired by one of our posts.

Spotted: Six Pack Studs

It's Friday night around 11:30 and a group of us were waiting for the metro. Gathering oh-so-inconspicuously across the tracks, three obvious interns still dressed in their suits from their "important jobs" were causing a ruckus. They continue their high-fiving and cheering while one smoothly drops their 6-pack of beer. Every glass breaks except one lone soldier. They grab the lucky guy and run off giggling like a pack of school girls, leaving their disaster area of glass for everyone to step in. A few minutes afterwards, an older gentleman pushes the broken glass to the corner and covers the spilled beer with Roll Call and Politico...also, left behind.

Spotted: Red Means Stop; Green Means Go

At the park just behind the Russell Building, a tall blond intern from a Midwestern Senator’s office about two minutes before 9:00 am. You look at me indignantly when I slightly tap my horn as you cross against the light. Sweetheart, because you were at Garrett’s until closing on a “school night” last night does not make your inability to get into the office on time my fault. Either get up early or skip the shower.

Heard: Flying? Try Dooles.

Capitol South Metro. Intern 1 (standing on escalator right) to Intern 2 (on escalator left).

Intern 1: I flew home for the weekend--got back last night.
Intern 2: Oh yeah? You fly into DCA?
Intern 1: No. Dooles.

Spotted: Line Cutter

I was out at a political happy hour Friday night when this lovely lady next to me was ever so discretely trying to cut ahead of me and get a drink. While obviously blocking her way, we struck up a conversation:

Me: How's it going.
Her: Great, my name's _____ what do you do?
Me: Like most people in the room, a non profit. You?
Her: Well I used to work in foreign policy. Now I work for the [southern state] delegation.
Me: So you're an intern.
Her: (long pause) Yes.
Me: Ever heard of dcinterns.blogspot?
Her: Nope, why?
Me: This convo is going up on there.

I forgot how much I missed interns.

Heard: Intern Apology

I would just like to write as a former DC summer intern (not one, but two summers). On behalf of all interns who've know better, I apologize for all of the rude, obnoxious, know-it-all interns. Those of us out there whose parents taught us some manners and proper business etiquette are truly ashamed. Thanks for opening your city to us, and please remember there are some good interns out there!

Heard: Chinatown?

Emerging out of the 9th & G (Gallery) exit at the Gallery Place-Chinatown Metro stop a female intern, indignant and confused, looked around and commented to the rest of her pack, "How in the world is THIS exiting at Chinatown?!"