Monday, June 08, 2009
I love your site so much, but I will spare you the endless praise. In the name of all that's right, please don't lose interest in the project after only a couple of weeks. Don't let the posts fall to only a couple a month. This is now one of my homepages -- literally next to CNN and the NYT -- please don't let your city down.
-Former DC Intern
p.s. The post about the intern (I picture him with a furrowed brow) who, after three days studying a book for an abstract, ends up reproducing the book jacket verbatim -- belongs in its own display case at the Smithsonian.
Leg Director asks intern to research agency financial reports and compile the amount of unaccounted for funds from various government agencies.
Intern: Hey, I had an idea on the research project you asked me to work on.
LD: What’s that?
Intern: Well, I was thinking we should contact the agencies that can’t account for funds and ask them what they’re doing with the unaccounted for funds.
LD: Well, they probably won’t be able to tell you.
Intern: Ah, ha! Which is when we can ask them why not?!
LD: Well, because they’re “unaccounted for.” By definition, they don’t know where the money went.
Intern: So, Martha’s Vineyard is on Long Island, right?
LD: Are you serious?
Intern: Yeah, it is, isn’t?
LD: No, it’s not. Martha’s Vineyard is its own separate island. It’s off the coast of Massachusetts.
Intern: But there’s something special about it, right? I mean, like, only the Kennedy’s can go there, right?
LD: No, it’s an island that people live on and anyone can go to, just like most public places in the free world. Go downstairs and get me a Mountain Dew.
Intern 1: "I mean, she told me her favorite show as the Real World! You're supposed to stop watching that after you turn 16!"
Intern 2: "Aw man, totally dude, totally."
Recently, I was showing one of our interns our office's process for sorting and handling mail. She realized that all of the envelopes had already been opened. She asked me why. I explained about security procedures and anthrax (which was lost on her). She then asked me, "isn't that an invasion of privacy?"
I was so stunned that I had no real answer for her!
Our office welcomed in a gem of an intern who not only had no background in politics but an apparent lack of interest as well. She was clearly further left than our entire office as evinced by her choice of attire and continued comments regarding her inability to work for her Representative due to his ultra conservative views. She was full of intern wisdom but this following conversation literally had me in hysterics.
Intern: So there are not too many hot members, but I kept hearing about the young one Rep. [Member's name] (although we all clearly know who this is). I looked him up and he is like my perfect man.
Me: Really? How so? He's more conservative then you are. (all the while trying not to laugh.)
Intern: That's not something I would consider a deal breaker.
Me: Let me get this right, you wouldn't take an internship with a Member because he was too conservative but you don't consider those views a deal breaker?
Intern: No, I mean politics like are not going to be an important thing in my life.
After an incredibly long pause....
Me: You do realize that politics might be important in a Congressman's life, right?
I am still trying to figure out how she was hired.
At the park just behind the Russell Building, a tall blond intern from a Midwestern Senator’s office about two minutes before 9:00 am. You look at me indignantly when I slightly tap my horn as you cross against the light. Sweetheart, because you were at Garrett’s until closing on a “school night” last night does not make your inability to get into the office on time my fault. Either get up early or skip the shower.
Me: How's it going.
Her: Great, my name's _____ what do you do?
Me: Like most people in the room, a non profit. You?
Her: Well I used to work in foreign policy. Now I work for the [southern state] delegation.
Me: So you're an intern.
Her: (long pause) Yes.
Me: Ever heard of dcinterns.blogspot?
Her: Nope, why?
Me: This convo is going up on there.
I forgot how much I missed interns.