Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Spotted: Bud Light Oversight Authority

Four interns sit down in my section and order four Bud Lights.

Me: I'm sorry, fellas, we don't have Bud Light. We have PBR on draft, though.

Intern #1: (sighs) Fine, four of those.

Me: No problem. I just need to see your ID's.

Intern #2: You don't need to see our ID's. We work for Congressman _______ from ________. (Flashes his red badge)

Me: Sorry, dude, but unless the Distinguished Gentleman from _______ is willing to use his oversight authority to make the $10,000 fine that we'd get slapped with for serving you without ID's go away, and give me a paying job when I get fired anyway, I'm still going to have to see them.

Intern #1: Wow, "oversight authority." That's more knowledge than I'd expect from someone with your job.

Me: And that's about as much ignorance as I'd expect from someone who agreed to lick envelopes for free.

Every customer within earshot starts laughing. The interns pitch a royal fit, call my manager over, and get kicked out anyway. The best part? Not only did I get a $20 bonus from my manager for doing my job right, all of my other customers tipped me at least double.

Thanks for buying me a the new iPhone, boys. Y'all come back anytime.

76 comments:

  1. Great story! A friend posted a link on Facebook. I'll definitely be checking out more.

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  2. This is definitely the best one yet - great story!

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  3. Really? They're THAT arrogant?

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  4. I think this might be my favorite story on this blog so far.

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  5. This might be my favorite story posted here yet!

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  6. Why are these idiots so god damn arrogant?

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  7. It's sad that this story doesn't surprise me in the slightest, I interned in DC a few summers ago and this is dead on. Although I am waiting for someone to start a blog about with funny stories about junior level staffers who talk down to interns when they are just a few short years older then the interns, or may have even been interns themselves.

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  8. I've been addicted to this blog since it's inception and this is by far my favorite. Thank you.

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  9. Best intern story yet!

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  10. amazing.

    -- "not one of those" interns

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  11. Cheers for your story and putting them in their place!

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  12. I wish I could say this was the first time I've heard of underage interns trying to buy booze with their intern badges...

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  13. Wow, this makes me SOOO glad that our interns and co-op students are, well, not sane, but at least not asshats. Then again these interns seem like the kind of people who wouldn't last a semester in engineering school. Why do we let the stupid rule the world?

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  14. Pretty clear that this whole post is a lie. Keep up the fiction!

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  15. i think it's funny how every non-intern who posts on this site has a perfect witty comeback for every intern who they cross paths with

    makes me think some of these stories, although hilarious, are made up....

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  16. Haha that's awesome. DC is probably one of the only places where your waiter is smarter than you, is working on a master's degree, and who's real job is better than yours haha.

    epic win.

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  17. I'm sure some of these posts stray from the truth, but yes - there are interns that stupid and that arrogant.

    Also, if you doubt an exchange, just remember that this is the town that I once saw two middle-aged guys in suit get into this sort of shouting match on a crowded morning metro:

    French Cuffs: HEY! HEY! You're pushing me! Stop pushing me!

    Double Windsor: (calmly, Patrick Bateman-style) I know. I need to get on.

    FC: Stop it! STOP IT! That's assault! You're assaulting me!

    DW: I am not assaulting you; for assault there would have to be intent. There's no intent, you have no case. (shoves French Cuffs more).

    Pretty amazing.

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  18. This post is not true.

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  19. I suspect some interns are getting their poor little feelings hurt.

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  20. I call bull shit

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  21. This is likely what the waiter wished had unfolded. However, it probably went more like this:

    I: can we have 4 bud lites?
    W: can i see your ID?
    I: will this work?(intern show badge)
    W: No, sorry
    I: MM (look to one another)lets get out of here

    Waiter then salty he didn't get a tip, makes an elaborate story degrading interns and making himself sound witty.

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  22. i think i love you...

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  23. this is absolutely the best story on the blog so far. well done, waitstaff!

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  24. Best story on this blog- which is saying a lot! Your response to those interns was hilarious, I wish I could think on my feet like that.

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  25. "i think it's funny how every non-intern who posts on this site has a perfect witty comeback for every intern who they cross paths with...makes me think some of these stories, although hilarious, are made up...."

    -So what you're saying is that you find it the site would have more credibility if people posted stories where there was no witty comeback or amusing observations. Yes that would make for an amusing blog. If you have any more brilliant insights please post them.

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  26. This is like the second underage drinking story I have read here. Do some interns really think they can skirt drinking laws by name dropping? Or are these just embellishments?

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  27. anyone doubting the veracity of these stories has never worked on the hill-the reason this blog was created is for the very fact that DC interns do stupid things...It baffles me how peeople cant process that.

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  28. Who cares if it is real (and based on my interactions with interns and DC waiters/bar staff I believe it is at least mostly real), it is a great story.

    Well done.

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  29. All of the people posting in these comments who think this story is true are no smarter than the interns featured in this blog. That is all.

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  30. At 51st State:

    1L Summer Intern: Hi, do you have, like, flavored Smirnoff?
    Bartender: Yes.
    Intern: Like, raspberry Smirnoff?
    Bartender: Yes.
    Intern: Can I, like, have a raspberry Smirnoff, and, like, um, like, Sprite?
    Bartender: Yes.
    Intern: Like, together?

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  31. Can't even believe they said that. When I interned for a congressman (luckily I was 21 anyway...) our Chief of Staff said, "If I hear anyone underage is trying to drink and they mention the Congressman, they are fired." Those kids are fucking asshats.

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  32. "i think it's funny how every non-intern who posts on this site has a perfect witty comeback for every intern who they cross paths with...makes me think some of these stories, although hilarious, are made up...."

    Just remember that people who live and work in DC have been dealing with interns for years. Perhaps the first few times you don't think of anything witty until after the fact, but when history repeats itself year after year you have quite a few comebacks on the ready!

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  33. i doubt this happened

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  34. This is a great post! I don’t see why it is so hard to believe that this server is intelligent enough for these remarks to flow easily? Personally, I find that the more annoyed I am, the wittier I become at the expense of my nuisance. The skeptics obviously didn’t laugh when they read this (like I did!) and are annoyed they can’t come up with the same wit on their own. I say get over it, and enjoy the blog.

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  35. High. Freaking. Larious. Well done. :-)

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  36. this story totally could be true. i have seen similar situations unfold so often. i think those non believers are just haters.

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  37. Thanks so much for this! made my whole day!

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  38. Most kids in college towns probably don't end up being ID'd at their local establishment. Its sad to say, but these might be future Members of Congress. Though, they seem to act like a few of the members already.

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  39. Great story -- but a little too perfect to be true. My crap detector says nay!

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  40. where do you work? i'd kill to find a PBR draft in this city!

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  41. can we get rid of the incessant "these are lies" commenting? who cares? if you think these stories are all lies, don't read them! i certainly don't care if your person opinion is that it's a lie, and i know i care even less when you're either the 20th person to say it, or one person posting it for the 20th time in the same thread. already been said. so let the rest of us enjoy being amused.

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  42. This made my day.

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  43. I, for one, think that this probably happened. I've heard some pretty outrageous things from self important people in DC.

    case in point. "I own DC. I have all the money. I know all the girls."

    or, as an intro, a man hands me his card. "I'm ___. this is my business partner, ____. we are very successful and we just closed a business deal. I'd like to take you to dinner."


    wow.

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  44. "Do some interns really think they can skirt drinking laws by name dropping?"

    Yes. They just don't realize how little most Washingtonians care that they stuff envelopes for Rep. Such-and-Such. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that most interns aren't from the DC area, so they don't realize how utterly unremarkable "working on the Hill" sounds to area natives.

    That said, this post is clearly false. I would say that its humor makes up for the fact that it's fictional, but the fact that it's obviously fictional makes it that much less funny. (I can't help but imagine the sad sack who spends his/her time imagining ways they could humiliate hillterns, and that person is an object of pity rather than a source of humor.)

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  45. It's not just interns. I work as a bartender in Adams Morgan and I've had high school kids show me their real ID's and expect me to serve them because their parents are Senators/Congressmen.

    As far as the question of this story being bullshit or not, I work with plenty of people who are smart enough to pull it off. This is DC. The consensus view in my bar is that the conversation was a bit more drawn out and the waiter edited the story for brevity and humor.

    By the way, dude, if you're reading this and can somehow prove it was you, you will never pay for a drink in this town again.

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  46. "I call bull shit"...ummm- someone is still in college...INTERN!

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  47. I don't understand the comments saying "this post is not true." How the hell would you know if it's true or not? I've lived in DC for 5 years now as a 20-something and the number of people who I've met who are downright rude, elitist, ignorant, and over-confident astounds me. I wouldn't doubt it for a second, especially if they work on the hill. Yes there are nice, intellgent, smart polite staffers on the hill, many are my friends. But there are also the kind who think that just because they landed some internship with so-and-so or daddy got you a job in the office of this committee because he donated money last year...they deserve to be treated better than others and no questions asked. It's ridiculous and would never fly in any other city. They need to get their attitude served right back at them.

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  48. "This is like the second underage drinking story I have read here. Do some interns really think they can skirt drinking laws by name dropping? Or are these just embellishments?"

    Apparently you never did internships while in college. Half of it is work. The other half is drinking.

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  49. I just got home from working at a bar. This shit is not fictional, and everyone who says it is should pony up the cash for a decent fake ID. I wish I'd heard about this blog earlier today, before I got called a "prole" by an underage kid and couldn't come up with a comeback. Anyone who doubts this story can kiss my anonymous balls, and I have no further comment on the matter at this time.

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  50. if you knock an intern down a peg, it knocks the rest of the food chain down a peg as well. I suspect most of the naysayers are part of the establishment and don't like to see any besmirching of those on the hill.

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  51. you can get PBR draft at the black cat, at least.

    and this kind of interaction may seem surreal, but it's daily life for those of use who've spent most of their adult lives in this terrible, intern-infested city.

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  52. As an enrollee in clinical pastoral education through a hospital chaplaincy program, we have to do verbatims all the time, where we try to recall verbatim exactly what happened in various encounters with patients or patients' families.

    This is what they end up looking like. The very process of recollection often means that things get edited or minorly emended. This account isn't "obviously" fictional, but it probably hits pretty close to the truth of the matter.

    Because after messing up in patient encounters more than once, you start to develop a library of responses that work; I'm sure this is simply this waiter's fifth, sixth, or seventh encounter with arrogant interns, and this time he or she was prepared.

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  53. Awesome. Please tell me this story is true. My hold on reality it tenuous enough as it is.

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  54. Yeah, I don't think that happened.

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  55. It's totally true. I saw it happen, and was one of the customers who overtipped when the little turds got the smackdown, followed by the heave-ho.
    Nicely done, waitstaff.

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  56. I love you. Will you be my friend? Or at least my facebook friend?

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  57. Good work. That is funny.

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  58. I was there. and i tipped BIG! its a true story.

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  59. Best post ever. I work as a p/t bartender; my husband manages a large comedy club. (Not in DC, although we've visited often, and tried to behave ourselves as human beings while there - promise.)

    A person gets a feel for come backs to the Entitled Ones with the fake IDs, and I love this post. Good for you!

    Note: Husbands staff often uses facebook and myspace pages to double check the questionable ID's. They'll often print out the profiles, staple the fake ID to it, and when the wee whiner starts demanding his ID back, usually with a "my dad's a lawyer!" line, they just wave the whole thing in his face. (Servers are also awarded $20 for every fake confiscated.)

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  60. I totally believe that this happens often enough that someone could figure out a good comeback after a year or two of dealing with this pricks. Why not?

    There are a lot of disgruntled interns replying on this blog.

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  61. Yes, you will be my Facebook friend, as well? Best story on this blog, hands down.

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  62. Does it matter if it's true? It was funny, and the point (that DC interns are often arrogant a-holes) was made.

    Thanks for the chuckle.

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  63. Amazing. What bar do you work at? Happy to give my patronage to a snarky yet responsible bartender.

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  64. Sounds like Tune Inn. They definitely have PBR on tap, and I don't think they have Bud Light.

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  65. I heard this story from my friend who heard it from the bartender... but I can't remember what bar they said it was...

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  66. You guys are all just mad that me and my fellow interns will all be successful politicians some day and you guys won't!!!

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  67. What bar wouldn't stock Bud Light?

    That is crazy. I have worked at many, many different kinds of bars -- from trashy rock and roll bars to Cantinas to fancy martini bars.

    I love PBR though. I've never understood the appeal of Bud Light, but whatever. People can drink what they want.

    Why doesn't the poster include the name of the bar?

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  68. why do so few of my fellow underage interns actually spend a little cash for a decent fake ID? its completely shocking to me how many try to get into bars without even having a fake ID. if you are going to go in the bar, at least have the common sense to have some kind of ID that will get you served 75% of the time. and when it's denied, acting like a douche bag will only get your ID taken instead of returned.

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